10 Things that did not happen in Hostel-1 (2010-11) - Part -I

Every year, at the end of the academic year, people summarize all the good/bad things that happened during the last year. But what never is discussed are those things that missed short of happening. Here we look at some possible things that could have happened in Hostel-1 (it is all for fun, no offense meant). (Inspirations: Sidin Vadukut's article in ESPNCricinfo and FAKING NEWS). This was written for Anubhooti, Hostel-1 magazine.

This is the first part of the 3 part series that I will post as Notes here.

1. Hostel-1 inmates shifted to Hostel-1
(This incident follows the brawl that H-1 inmates had with the HCU in moving all 09 batch inmates to H14)

After being constantly frustrated by the fuss that the inmates of Hostel-1 make when they are being shifted out forcefully to Hostel-14, HCU has decided to rename H-14 to H-1 and H-1 to H-14. Since the H-1 occupants want to remain as H-1 inmates, they must move to old H-14 (i.e. the new H1). This is a "Win-W(h)in(e) situation", as per HCU chairman, who added that "even though the institute has to spend extra money on logistics such as repainting the name of the hostel, and possibly moving the queen statue, we will do this for our students and their love for their Hostel's number". When the students protested that it was not just the number, but the hostel itself, the surprised HCU chairman replied, "Hey ! Hey! this is Cheating, bad Cheating!" and then said goodbye and left.

There were other options also evaluated, according to the inside information from the HCU. Prominent being that the whole hostel, including the whole physical structure and furniture to be shifted to the IITB owned area behind the pipeline. But the illegal occupants there, were not leaving the space prompting the option to be shelved for now.

2. Hostel GBM conducted in PC Saxena auditorium due to popular demand

Due to the surge of H-1 inmates attending the General Body Meeting (GBM) conducted by the council, the Hostel Council moved the venue to PC Saxena auditorium. It was nothing unusual at the start time of the GBM. Warden was yet to arrive and there were 2-3 inmates sitting and reading newspapers in the lower TV room while the G.Sec and other council members taking turns to invite/request/order/yell the H-1 inmates using the PA system. But as the GBM started, an argument started randomly when the newspaper reading inmates complained about the excessive Page2 content in Times of India. By word of mouth, people started to pour in, to participate in the random argument during which time, the Tech secy suggested that using e-paper instead of regular papers is more tech savvy. At one point of the time, inmates were crawling on every possible space available, including on the shoulders of the maintenance councillor, who was a keen participant in the debate. At this point of time, the G.Sec made a flash entry and announced that the GBM venue is being shifted to PC Saxena auditorium and they can continue the arguments there. The author, who was one of those newspaper reading inmates, was lazy enough not to go to the new venue and hence couldn't report further on the events there.

3. Panther sighted in Hostel-1
(After numerous claims of sighting Panther's tail, nose, mouth etc.)

After a number of failed attempts by Hostel-1 inmates in the recent past to sight it, Panther finally decided to show up in the H-1 premise. It is understood that the Panther got really frustrated by a number of H-1 inmates making baseless claims of sighting it, but instead have actually sighted a cat or a dog. "Even the last time the big fuss of sighting panther tail was made", said the panther, "I was sitting on a tree orthogonal to that place and they had actually seen a dog's tail, Idiots!". Given the construction works starting, Panther decided to bust all the myths by giving a final appearance to the H-1 inmates, before all possible greenery is destroyed. H-1 official doggy Sherkhan, gave a customary "Bow!" towards the Panther, which was sitting on the TV room sofa and then ran under the sofa. The panther then disappeared in the woods behind Wing-4 for one last time after which the woods were completely destroyed.

4. Random inmate claims to know where H-1 library is.
(Do you know what Hostel
Breaking the tradition that no one except the Literary secretary knows where H1 library is, a random H1 inmate is supposed to have identified where the library is and also issued a book by visiting the same during its opening hours. Though such occasions of library being identified has happened before, it has always turned out that the person has been either an ex-literary secretary (like KD, KP) or a maintenance worker or Varghese. This H-1 inmate was supposedly searching for the library all through the hostel including the terrace of Wing-4. "Kya Fart Hai! people don't even know that the H-1 library has its extension in Lower TV room itself", commented the disappointed Literary Secretary. Reacting to the Secretary's disappointment, another random H-1 inmate noted, "We didn't even know that H-1 library existed, then how do you expect us to expect the extension of something which we think doesn't exist? That's ridiculous". When asked about the mail in the forum, "Forum, what forum?" replied the surprised inmate and then disappeared. The literary secretary was later pacified by the Institute Librarian who shared his grief that hardly anyone knows about the Institute Central Library also.