10 Things that did not happen in Hostel-1 (2010-11) - Part -III

Every year, at the end of the academic year, people summarize all the good/bad things that happened during the last year. But what never is discussed are those things that missed short of happening. Here we look at some possible things that could have happened in Hostel-1 (it is all for fun, no offense meant). (Inspirations: Sidin Vadukut's article in ESPNCricinfo and FAKING NEWS). This was written for Anubhooti, Hostel-1 magazine.

This is the third part of the 3 part series that I will post as Notes here.

9. Popular uprising in Hostel-1 inspired by Tunisia, Egypt

Inspired by Popular uprising in Tunisia and Egypt against their long serving dictators, demonstrations were held in Hostel-1. A number of masked H-1 inmates swarmed the Queen's square (near the Queen's statue) and shouted slogans against the H-1 council. Earlier, a number of mails in H-1 forum were sent from weird email IDs like "Non-General Secy", "I'm not a Sports Secy" etc., urging the inmates to stage a huge demonstration in H1, after the Sunday afternoon lunch with Ice cream. Since most of the H-1 inmates don't read the mails in the forum, especially with words like "General Secy", it was largely ignored. But the small masked crowd that had gathered was relentless, "We won't give up until the current council goes", said one masked member, in a voice which sounded a lot like the one which usually speaks in the PA system. "Or at least they should allow us to take two cups of ice creams", remarked a passerby much to the annoyance of the masked men. "I wonder how online social networking worked in African countries like Tunisia?", remarked another masked man, "For it doesn't work in H-1 where we have dual LAN ports in each room", and disappeared into the cycle stand behind the square with a sigh.

Inside information says that the council members themselves tried to stage these demonstrations and force themselves to resign, as most of them were frustrated with their charity work of responding to complaints instead of doing any work.

10. UFOs land in Hostel-1

Unidentified Flying Objects (UFOs) which are usually sighted only in weird countries like US, China, has been claimed to have landed in Hostel-1. Unlike the popular stories about UFOs where they are mainly circular in shape, these UFOs seemed to have had a shape similar to that of the `jalebi' served in H-1 mess. Witnesses claim that they had been landing regularly in the popular "H-1 gardens" between Wings 3 and 4. The uneven nature of the ground with lots of pits and bumps seems to be the proof for the alien air crafts having landed, sources claim. These aircrafts emit a weird orange glow, again of 'jalebi', which is also similar to the glow seen from Room No.152, whose occupant has been behaving weirdly off-late, claim the Wing-3 inmates. It is still unclear whether the R#152 inmate has any relationship with the aliens, though.

On a related update, H-1 Council has decided to build an IFO (Identified Flying Object) with the alumni funds they have got, which must be used for buying/building new things and not for any useful upgradation of the hostel itself. The Tech Secy of the hostel has enthusiastically volunteered to lead the tech team to build the IFO, which he thinks can be built during his tenure. "H-1 would be the only hostel to own an IFO", said a proud Cult Secy, "even if we don't use it".

(For the uninitiated, R#152 belongs to the author's namesake and batchmate, who has been showing some eerie behaviour in lighting his room, including orange lights)


Extra event, which missed a place in the list because, it has almost happened
10+1 Zero injuries during the year in H-1 ground.

H-1 recorded zero injuries while playing in the injury-famous slippery-max H-1 footer ground. While a number of different sports were played in the ground, including football, cricket, there has been no report of a player being injured due to bad surface, according to sports council. There were a couple injuries when people walking in the ground while talking on the mobile phone and slipped. "But that won't count as sport injuries", remarked the Sports Secy, "Even the injuries during holi, new-year celebrations don't count, which come under the purview of Cult Council". While the condition of the ground has hardly changed from the past, players claim that we have better adapted to it. One of the major tactics has been "not to play" in the ground unless absolutely necessary. It is also rumoured that the success of H-1 this year in Sports GC (1st and 2nd place) is mainly due to players not playing in the ground and thus avoiding injuries.

10 Things that did not happen in Hostel-1 (2010-11) Part - II

Every year, at the end of the academic year, people summarize all the good/bad things that happened during the last year. But what never is discussed are those things that missed short of happening. Here we look at some possible things that could have happened in Hostel-1 (it is all for fun, no offense meant). (Inspirations: Sidin Vadukut's article in ESPNCricinfo and FAKING NEWS). This was written for Anubhooti, Hostel-1 magazine.

This is the second part of the 3 part series that I will post as Notes here.

5. Hostel-1 bags 1st and 2nd place in Sports GC

Hostel-1 wins Sports GC by winning gold and silver in all events. Breaking the tradition of just a few people playing all the events in Sports GC, Hostel-1 fielded two teams, 1-A and 1-B, and swept the events by winning gold and silver in all of them. Speaking to the media persons from Hindustan times (who are the only ones seem to have all the time to put random IITB news in front page), the Sports Co. said, "Actually no, we people all played well" and then started talking on phone for the next 3 hours. Unlike the previous years, when even getting 6 people for a cricket team was difficult, H-1 inmates enthusiastically came out in large numbers. "We didn't have to go and call each and every inmate's room nor did we have to announce in the PA system 23 times that an event is going to happen", remarked a sportsperson who didn't want to be named.

Mess council has announced a 'gala dinner week' on the occasion of this great moment, where there will be gala dinner from Monday to Sunday, but is yet to announce if there will be a change in the menu during that week.

6. Mess council plans gala dinner for 'zero mess complaint week'

Mess council has planned for a gala dinner on December 28 to celebrate a successful month, which didn't record a single mess related complaint. Speaking on the occasion the Mess Co. said that, "I'm really happy you know! we have completed a clean month". Asked about what do they actually mean by that, the Mess Co said that, "Since we don't accept verbal complaints and given the fact that there were no complaints recorded in the mess register and no mails in the forum complaining about mess food, it is clean". It is learned from inside sources that the mess complaint register kept in the mess was completely full and was not replaced with a new one for more than 10 days. Also, there is a suspicion that H1 forum mailing list is down, for not just mess complaints, but no mails were posted forum at all. The computer council, when contacted, refused to comment, saying that they would respond only if there is a complaint mail in the forum.

In an unrelated incident, a hostel inmate who had announced his plans for going on a fast on December 28, has postponed it to December 29 citing health reasons.

7. Vargheseji appointed as Warden's nominee

(for uninitiated, Vargheseji is the right hand man of H-1 Hall manager and manages almost everything in the hostel)

In an unprecedented move surprising few H-1 inmates, the Hostel council recommended Mr.Varghese as the Warden's nominee, which the Warden has subsequently accepted. "We are proud to announce that Vargheseji has been appointed as Warden's nominee", said G.sec with the typical H-1 pride. "He has served the Hostel council for a long time," he added, "and has also done more work on behalf of the council more than all the council members put together". Reacting to the appointment, Vargheseji remarked, "Wo Room no.128 mein bainting garna hai, gab garenge?" and then proceeded to clean the fish pot. Inside information said that no ex- ouncil members was ready to accept the post citing different reasons like "extra personal burden", "PhD interests" and so on.

Chandu's name was also considered as an option for this post and was initially recommended. But was subsequently withdrawn due to his prolonged association with H3 these days. But it is possible that he could be asked to take the post in future.

8. Pigeons to observe 'mouna vrat' in the hostel

Reacting to the requests by senior H-1 inmates, especially from Wings 2 and 3, the Pigeons of H-1 have decided to observe 'mouna vrat' on Holidays. The constant 'hmm, hmm, hmm' sound that they usually make to have fun by irritating others, would not be heard on Sundays and national holidays, as per the spokespigeon of H-1. The decision was taken on a high level meeting between the Hostel Council (human) represented by the Gardening and Aquarium Secretary and the H-1 Pigeons' association. It is rumoured that this decision was in the pipeline for a long time, but didn't come into practice since the Gardening Secy post remained vacant for a long time. In return to the favour, H-1 inmates will not abuse the pigeons by feeding it with the mess food and instead with something edible.