10 Things that did not happen in Hostel-1 (2010-11) - Part -III

Every year, at the end of the academic year, people summarize all the good/bad things that happened during the last year. But what never is discussed are those things that missed short of happening. Here we look at some possible things that could have happened in Hostel-1 (it is all for fun, no offense meant). (Inspirations: Sidin Vadukut's article in ESPNCricinfo and FAKING NEWS). This was written for Anubhooti, Hostel-1 magazine.

This is the third part of the 3 part series that I will post as Notes here.

9. Popular uprising in Hostel-1 inspired by Tunisia, Egypt

Inspired by Popular uprising in Tunisia and Egypt against their long serving dictators, demonstrations were held in Hostel-1. A number of masked H-1 inmates swarmed the Queen's square (near the Queen's statue) and shouted slogans against the H-1 council. Earlier, a number of mails in H-1 forum were sent from weird email IDs like "Non-General Secy", "I'm not a Sports Secy" etc., urging the inmates to stage a huge demonstration in H1, after the Sunday afternoon lunch with Ice cream. Since most of the H-1 inmates don't read the mails in the forum, especially with words like "General Secy", it was largely ignored. But the small masked crowd that had gathered was relentless, "We won't give up until the current council goes", said one masked member, in a voice which sounded a lot like the one which usually speaks in the PA system. "Or at least they should allow us to take two cups of ice creams", remarked a passerby much to the annoyance of the masked men. "I wonder how online social networking worked in African countries like Tunisia?", remarked another masked man, "For it doesn't work in H-1 where we have dual LAN ports in each room", and disappeared into the cycle stand behind the square with a sigh.

Inside information says that the council members themselves tried to stage these demonstrations and force themselves to resign, as most of them were frustrated with their charity work of responding to complaints instead of doing any work.

10. UFOs land in Hostel-1

Unidentified Flying Objects (UFOs) which are usually sighted only in weird countries like US, China, has been claimed to have landed in Hostel-1. Unlike the popular stories about UFOs where they are mainly circular in shape, these UFOs seemed to have had a shape similar to that of the `jalebi' served in H-1 mess. Witnesses claim that they had been landing regularly in the popular "H-1 gardens" between Wings 3 and 4. The uneven nature of the ground with lots of pits and bumps seems to be the proof for the alien air crafts having landed, sources claim. These aircrafts emit a weird orange glow, again of 'jalebi', which is also similar to the glow seen from Room No.152, whose occupant has been behaving weirdly off-late, claim the Wing-3 inmates. It is still unclear whether the R#152 inmate has any relationship with the aliens, though.

On a related update, H-1 Council has decided to build an IFO (Identified Flying Object) with the alumni funds they have got, which must be used for buying/building new things and not for any useful upgradation of the hostel itself. The Tech Secy of the hostel has enthusiastically volunteered to lead the tech team to build the IFO, which he thinks can be built during his tenure. "H-1 would be the only hostel to own an IFO", said a proud Cult Secy, "even if we don't use it".

(For the uninitiated, R#152 belongs to the author's namesake and batchmate, who has been showing some eerie behaviour in lighting his room, including orange lights)


Extra event, which missed a place in the list because, it has almost happened
10+1 Zero injuries during the year in H-1 ground.

H-1 recorded zero injuries while playing in the injury-famous slippery-max H-1 footer ground. While a number of different sports were played in the ground, including football, cricket, there has been no report of a player being injured due to bad surface, according to sports council. There were a couple injuries when people walking in the ground while talking on the mobile phone and slipped. "But that won't count as sport injuries", remarked the Sports Secy, "Even the injuries during holi, new-year celebrations don't count, which come under the purview of Cult Council". While the condition of the ground has hardly changed from the past, players claim that we have better adapted to it. One of the major tactics has been "not to play" in the ground unless absolutely necessary. It is also rumoured that the success of H-1 this year in Sports GC (1st and 2nd place) is mainly due to players not playing in the ground and thus avoiding injuries.